Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
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