ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
