i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Dick very happy bro
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