I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
