God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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