a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
