I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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