I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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