I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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