Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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