Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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