even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
