guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
