Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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