i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
the condom got lost in my hair
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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