Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
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