Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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