A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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