no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
