when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Randomize
