Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
