Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
