i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
