I am spending my child support on dildos
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
