you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
