Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
