He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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