I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
