dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
