I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
