I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
