I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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