I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
