he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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