it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize