Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
