matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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