Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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