Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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