I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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