if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
