Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
