so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
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At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
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also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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