I'm jealous of your bromance
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
