I'm sorry my penis didn't work
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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