Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
