I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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