Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
