Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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