the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
