The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Randomize
