I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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