i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
