It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
