I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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