I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
