Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I intend to get homeless drunk
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Randomize
