so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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