as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
