I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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