She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
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