mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
God I need to hump something, right now.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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